Spoken-Word

The Search for You (Part 2)- Audio

Standard

I searched for you again today.
I strained to find you amidst the chaos of a world seething with disappointment, battered dreams, and fragile hopes.
Millions of souls crying out for the answer to their hearts’ deepest longings.

I looked down the well-worn paths, the familiar places where I’ve sought you before.

Nature’s beauty was dulled.
The crisp cool air on my face did not quicken my senses as before.
It was only cold.
The golden red light of the sunset did not dazzle me with its splendor.
The orb hung in only two dimensions, flat against the dull sky.
It only moved me to squint the brazen light from my eyes.

The sounds and rhythms of life around me seemed out of tune and dissonant with my pattern.
I felt a stranger to the world.
Out of place.
Out of joint.

The faces, the touch, the voices of friends and loved ones did not reach me.
They seemed only to intrude upon my search.
Words of love, comfort, even humor, irritated and sparked anger hidden beneath my smile.

Exhausted, hope failing, desperate for you.
Weeping from the anguish of my bitter longing.
Prostrate, face to the earth, search ended – unfulfilled.

At the end of my search, at the end of one last bitter breath, after one final look outward,

I paused –

Stillness

My eyes sought a new path.
I slowly shifted my gaze.
As my eyes turned inward I was startled to discover your presence.
You were there where you have always been.
The wellspring of my heart was flooded with joy as I was filled with awareness of you.
You are a part of me, and I you.
I knew that which I have always known.
Nothing, no obstacle, no circumstance can separate me from you and you from me.
We exist together out of time.
We are eternal.
You and I will be always, even to the ends of the earth.

I found you today.

I searched for You today (Audio)

Standard

I searched for you today.
Upon awakening I became aware of how unfinished I am without you.

I searched for you today.
From everywhere and nowhere you beckoned me.
You called for my attention – No you demanded it.

I searched for you today.
Sometimes light and undefined, sometimes as a poignant ache or thrill, all of my senses experienced your call.

I searched for you today.
For your call presumed upon all thought, movement, and experience.
It interrupted and reminded me that all happiness is fleeting without you.

I searched for you today.
I thought I saw you once as the morning sun broke through a dull grey/white bank of clouds.
For a second of a second you were near me – and then gone.

I searched for you today.
I thought I heard your voice whisper my name, calling me from my place across the sea.
I turned and found only the wind and waves crashing across the jetty.

I searched for you today.
I reviewed cataloged memories, testing them, observing the many facets of my experience of you.  Believing that you will never leave me or forsake me.

I searched for you today.
Sometimes frantic, sometimes at rest, but always watchful for signs of your presence.

I searched for you today.
I saw the silver/white shimmer of the moonlight on the waves forming an other-worldly highway across the water to the place where you are.

I searched for you today.
Within a myriad of thoughts, experiences, and sensations you were sought.

The gentle intimacy between a father and his daughter.

A fragrance which awakens the senses.

A beautiful strain of music which stirs the soul.
Touch, taste, textures, sounds, sights, aromas, all hint at beauty consummated.

They all hint, beckon, and remind me of you.

I searched for you today.

Glorious Destruction (Audio)

Standard

 

Can I discover the beauty of you O my Soul?

By what way should I travel in my search?

Some said that if I could merely glimpse you I could rest from my wanderings.

I could be sustained by the glory of you.

The sweetness of your breath, the curve and shape of you, the music of your laughter and the light in your beautiful eyes.

They say before you I will die and be reborn at once.

You the object of my desire, where is your habitation?

I have known you from before forever.

You haunt my dreams.

You lie just outside my waking consciousness.

You have been the force, the pull, that restless hunger in me.

I am dry and barren and almost done.  I need to drink from Your spring that I may live.

I weep wanting you.  But the few tears I have left merely fall and disappear into the dust at my feet.

And my longings may very well break my heart.

But I would joyfully welcome the shattering of myself upon you that I might be pieced back together a better man.

Like a great clipper ship of old I long to crash on to your shores and be broken.

Guide me to that glorious destruction that I might be remade in You.

Insides are Out (Audio)

Standard

Something is severed

Tween my heart and my pen

My insides are out

And my outsides are in

 

Watching it all

As it scampers about

But perspective evades

when one’s insides are out

 

Seeking those lines

Tween who I and who You be

Though befuddled for now

It shall all be most Groovy!

 

Sitting still as it settles

Watching new meanings unfold

Just telling the truth as I find it

Of and to my own Soul.

(Been going back through last year’s stuff to see what I may have left behind)

The Promise of Honey (Audio)

Standard

I dreamed of honey
I dreamed of bees
I dreamed a promise
I made on my knees

As body awakened
My dream it did fade
Sweetness and vow
With Soul though has stayed

She brought me these two
For this time on this day
I hold to them fast
As the rest fades away

A place I have made
The gifts here to hold
Till Her message is clear
And Her wishes unfold

Fertile bounty one clue
Sweet richness I see
And Fidelity’s link
To the honey and bees

What promise I have
Or what promise neglected
The path and its meaning
Its light now detected

She brings me these things
To nudge and to guide me
In hopes I awaken
To the wonders inside me

Thank you sweet Soul
You were tender today
No surreal symbols, no horrors
O’r me love has held sway

I know I am dense
And sometimes I pout
But my outsides are in
And my insides are out

No is most potent

No comes before

Like death precedes life

No opens Yes’ door

She’s taught the word No
Which brought on destruction
Now Yes I shall learn
For my Soul’s reconstruction

Reaffirming the vow
Will fulfill my life’s reason
Consecration now needed
At this time, for this season

Abandon the lie
The first step I made
Saying No to the Other
Foundations were laid

Now to the building
Selecting what to affirm
Carefully now choosing
That which my heart does confirm