I am
But who is saying that
This is me
The same one who sucked his thumb
But who is observing the me thinking of the me
I am the same
I have observed the changes
In my body
In my thoughts
My experiences
My beliefs
My habits
My desires
But all of those things are not me
Me is back here watching
Observing
I am beginning to remember that I forgot
I have missed me
I searched for me in many places
I have looked in the reflections and have mistaken me for them
To suck my thumb feels awkward now
Funny how I once was so attached to it
I am guessing there are things I am attached to that are as transient as my thumb even now
It is interesting to have the awareness back that I had as a child
Observing and wondering, separate from the Self, the Ego, at least sometimes
Fear must have created that projection I called me
Well, some of it
Some of it is OK and is part of my groove
I think fear must have built the rest because it seems fear is what enforces the construct and dread guards the exits
But like a carnival spook-house been through several times, I am getting bored with it
I am yawning, its so 1-2-3 now jump and . . . Que the strobes, now crooked mirrors and fog and skeletons and turn the corner where the drug addict Carney jumps out and yells
The fear is getting be to quiet lame, much like the raggedy clown that pops out of the dark place and flops around on worn springs
Turning the lights on reveals the primitive, laughable, side show that has held me hostage
I think I’m gonna look outside the mirrors and the cheap carnival and try to remember the one who has been watching
See if he is still around somewhere
The source of all the reflections
I like my Self OK
But I am more than what I have created
And the dude at the exit has warrants
He won’t bother me if I really want to go
Comments
21 responses to “I Am – Kinda (Audio) A little Southern Mysticism”
I feel as if I am the one observing my actions and think how can this be, how can this be…
Look for the one observing the one observing
God, the Creator? or is it my own father?
God then you
These are wonderful ponderings Platosgroove…I, too, love the idea of remembering what we forgot…
“To suck my thumb feels awkward now Funny how I once was so attached to it” I’m sitting here rereading this and got to thinking how many things we use to substitute for our thumbs. And thinking of the mirrors, is there a difference between feeling fragmented as a person and just wearing different “hats”, so to speak, according to where you are at the moment?
Its the same I think. Thumbs I think are those things that give us temporary comfort. Could be anything we are attached to from people to success or ideas about ourselves
My current thumb of choice is blogging, apparently… Though HL says I seem happier doing this. (You mean happier than sitting on my arse twiddling said thumbs? rolls eyes…)
I understand that and we will have attachment and there is nothing wrong with it. It think the writing we do is more about trying to see beyond the temporary. I think creativity is a bit different than just clinging to things or people. It creates a little space or describes the space between or objects and our selves
The weird thing is when I started blogging I stopped doing my Saturday morning journal that I’ve done for 12 years. Haven’t done it for two months now.
Is that good or neutral
Feel neutral but it’s stressing me that I’m not keeping up with it…
Do you write out of it?
No, I write out of my personal journey. That one is a family goings on kind of journal. I type the Saturday Morning one. My personal journal is always in long-hand.
“I am beginning to remember that I forgot” I LOVE this. I came to a very similar time when I thought I was remembering who it was I was meant to be. The story you created of a circus is fabulous!
I still grin when you clap. 🙂 thank you. grinning is good for me. My favorite was the end about the guy guarding the exit and saying he would not stop me. “I promise”
There was a playfulness and an ease to this piece that was like saying to yourself, I’ve got your number, chum, and now I see you for who you are — ALL of you. And what a great setting, a circus! Glad I make you smile.
You have from the beginning. I would have probably quit this if you had not. 🙂
Then we all would have been the poorer for it. You have been very patient with me when I ask you to explain things. I am NOT the shiniest lure in the tackle box, and sometimes I get lost. So thanks for waitin’ up for me.
Maybe i don’t write that good so’s I have’ta esplain it
You are just uniquely you, and I think I could know you a long, long time and never quite figure you out.