I want to write something just because I can
I feel cocky and the wilder parts of me have been stirred up
I don’t wait for permission
Or some other’s indulgence
I am
I write for me because I wish it, cause I’m alive
I beat my chest and growl, I roar
I am present on the savannah
Hear me, feel me, wonder what I will do
I am
I feel my heart’s beating, my blood rushing
I fill my lungs with the fragrant life surrounding me
Feet solid, gaze unblinking, alert, unafraid
I walk as one with authority, the earth trembles beneath my steps
I am
And so are You
Roar for the joy of it
Run, jump, laugh, do your dance in spite of circumstance
All that is wrong is the belief that something is wrong . . . with you
I have found that most of what I write is an attempt to be descriptive of some process at work in me. And then if I go back and look at it I find that many times it was in some ways prophetic in terms of where I needed to go next. Or perhaps it is that this student is slow and can only take what I need in small doses and must return again and again until the lesson is finally learned.
When I wrote this piece some years ago there was a stubborn anger and a blind faith that refused to move from where I was. It was during the beginning of the rebirth of me or at least of my awareness of the process. Today it is less desperate anger and more a statement of faith that somehow living in the paradox is the path for me. That in deep places I already know and am slowly developing a new language to contain the sights of the undiscovered territories of my Soul. In the end I wonder if the idea of “choice” is a bit overrated. Especially if the conscious options keep one blinded to that which is hidden within view.
Am I terribly weak, or terribly strong?
I am pulled between forces stronger than the earth.
Yet I am not utterly destroyed.
I may yet lose my mind or I may find it.
I am ambivalent yet I choose.
I choose ambivalence.
I wait.
I will not choose out of fear of loss.
I do not fear loss.
I fear being lost.
And the man is lost. His fears have come upon him.
There are times when my pathway is hidden. When the next step seems to lead off a cliff in any direction. I find at such times that there is an anxious impulse that will arise. I will tend to consider things in dialectical categories; yes – no, good – bad, right – wrong, etc. There are many times when reason is appropriate and can be a reliable guide. But, there have been others when the choices break down and there is no good choice or even bad choice. I think maybe the hardest thing to do sometimes is nothing. The impulse to move, to act, to make a choice can become quite strong. But how does one choose? The wise folks of old have left some clues. Be still . . . Don’t be anxious about tomorrow . . . Go out not knowing . . . wait and your strength will be renewed . . . the farmer plants the seed but the Creator makes it grow . . . death before rebirth . . . the Creator will complete what was begun in you. One of my mentors taught me a long time ago that if I felt like I must do something then run like hell. There is less desperation now than when I wrote what follows. There is a quietness and an awareness of the impulse to jump. So for now I sit in the ferment of me content to watch what might bubble up. Be Groovy!
My mind raced back along the paths that She walks in me
She comes to me from the place of dreams and we walked together there
She teaches me, though I am most foolish and slow to understand
When I am unfaithful she cruelly chastises, for the love of me
I am so easily distracted and forgetful and quickly lose my way but
“I came to this earth so that I could find my way back to my Beloved.”
She is patient and She is kind and She is long-suffering , for the love of me
Foolish man, remember your purpose, let go of all that is Not and make room for Her
She is all that you seek and you will never rest until you find your rest in Her
All the wonders that you seek lay waiting for you, there inside Her castle
As I read this to myself I was struck that it is a poetic version of something I wrote a bit ago. If you have any interest in a more detailed and prose version see The Princess and the Dragonfly. The audio is coming when I finally get back home.
My friend Next Step to Nirvana has allowed me to play. She has written If Only You hadn’t Departed and asked me to write along following these rules. Go visit her. She has written some excellent poetry of late and has been kind to me. I am going to ask my Dragonfly buddy to play. The Lady Calen at Impromptu Promptings is someone you should endeavor to know. Your life will be enriched.
You only have to link back to my blog and add your poem on your blog, making sure to include: ~The word “Love”, at least once. ~At least one adverb. ~At least one quote or motto, marked by quotation marks.
