Depth

Change the world? (Audio)

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I have decided

I no longer want to change the world

I have failed utterly at that

My powers spent in futile efforts

I am weak

I am so tired I can only focus on what is right in font of me

The huge problems can no longer even hold my attention

But even if I were interested

I can do nothing to alter the current manifestations of the same old shit

There is nothing new under the sun

Well there is Facebook and Twitter and and 24 hour news cycle that spikes anxiety on a mass scale now

Good thing there is 24 hour shopping and all manner of distraction now so that like crackheads we can move between anxiety and binge, anxiety and binge

But nothing is new

Just goes round and round faster

I am jumping off that ride

I don’t think that I am big enough for it anyway

Let the would be movers and shakers be moved and shaken by all of that

I’ve played that game and got the t-shirt, several in fact

But why in the hell did I do all of that for a f..ing t-shirt

I need to focus on something small, something less grand

Perhaps I can start with one thought

I can change one thought

I can do that

I can say yes when I mean yes and no when I mean no

And if I don’t have an answer I can say that too

I can do that

I can be faithful to my promise

I can do that

OK

If I can do those few things

That will change me

And if I am changed then, the world by definition is altered

At least in some small but real way

So if I change me I will change the world after all

 

Fishing in Bad Weather (Audio)

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Energy

No focus, scattered, diffused

Where is the center now

Black marks on white

Symbols like bait dangled

Over the choppy grey waters of me

Hoping to coax a bite

Enticing emotion to rise and strike

Latch on to a word a sentence

That I may draw out of the inky black depths

Meaning, to measure on my scale

Perhaps even consume, be nourished by

Seeking some order, some way, a new step

But if no order perhaps I may hook

A plank, a stone to feel under my feet

I need to move from this place

Drifting – Twilight – Spirit – Calensariel (Audio)

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drifting-into-the-sunrise

Drifting, the current carries me

No oar, no rudder

Surrendered to the flow

Destination lies over the horizon

Rest now, adventure awaits

Twilight, time between times

Sacred space

Stillness, surrender to the muted light

Listen, Wisdom whispers

Sophia is your lover

Spirit, link between

Flesh and intellect

Feeling, sensing, knowing

Interpreting groanings too deep for words

Time for speech is approaching

Remembering (Audio)

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Remembering is not living.  Life happens in the now, in the moment.

To remember is, or can be, to put back together, to gather together fragments of experience in search of meaning.

To remember can also be a seduction, a trap, an endless loop that goes nowhere, leaching life from the body, the Soul.

Remembering can be an addiction used to forestall the coming solitude.  Replaying overdone vignettes, searching through the same old scraps for sustenance.

But solitude is the only path which leads to the answers for questions too deep for words.  Who would join me here?  If only for a moment, or a day.

In the desert be mindful of the gifts you give.  Save, guard your heart’s impulses.  In dry places generosity can quickly evaporate accomplishing nothing.

Wait for a one who also knows solitude.  There the seeds of care will sprout and its roots reach down into the wet depth of life.

Chemistry – Feelings (Audio)

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Chemicals released

Rush, ride the red river

Seeking their home

Adrift, moved along the current, the pulsing rhythmic flow

Destiny dictates destination

Seeking their place, their reason

Empty spaces call out

Needing to be filled, fitted, finally whole

Need calls to need

Void longs for wholeness, for rest

Nearness excites, expands

Anticipation of consummation

Almost but not quite

Ecstasy, release, exquisite loss as two become one

Base matter transformed

Energy now rushing back to its source

Flesh now spirit soars free

Yet needing a tether, a link, a meaning

Feeling cataloged, sorted, processed

Needed to know

Dialectic now

Good – Bad, Happy – Sad, Yes – No, Less – More

To act, to refrain

To pursue, or retreat

To hide or to reveal all . . . . .

Longing to be naked and unashamed