Day Thirteen: Serially Found
I watched the weather of me through the day to see if perhaps there was something there
I noticed that it changed, unbidden as though another turned its dials
Sometimes the taste of that place between green and violet was broken by mountains of stark white cotton stretching from horizon to horizon
It called to something in me which wanted to be in that place of awe and wonder, but it passed over
At other moments my sky was filled with shades of gray and black ominous and threatening, fields of energy, alert to danger
The impulse to cover, to hide was strong but I remained still and it passed along with the rest
All I found there was that the weather of me shifts its shape to suite the situation
There was nothing profound there, nothing to hold on to, it just comes and goes as it wills
I sought meaning in the deeper things to see if there was some nugget, some treasure there for me
I noticed the Sage of me arise from the depths, ready to pronounce profundity
He sat on his throne, voice lowly intoned, gentle condescending words doled out to the yielding seekers needing a light, a way, a Wizard
And then another, a chocolate haired little boy, with dark brown eyes and freckles dotting his nose and cheekbones
He sought to woo with innocence and pouty lips, seeking attention, protection, love, crooked smile, shaggy hair, smelling of sunshine and romance
Then in the midst of my looking I heard Him laugh. The Jester, my tenuous but always faithful friend
He reminded me that what I was seeking would not be found in the costumes my ego wears
The profound can be another distraction and a game, as too the dance of affection What I sought was not there
Then, I watched the watcher, paying attention to my paying attention
Remembering again, that I know very little and how easily distracted I can be
Caught up in a self that is fleeting like the weather, changed by the currents on the wind around me
Hidden behind masks that can at times be mistaken for me, leaving me alone but entertained or distracted
I laughed along with the Jester. He always tells me the truth, especially when I take myself too seriously, or not seriously enough
Like trying to scratch an itch in a mirror, I sought but did not find, for what I wanted could not be found there
A wonderful playground of experience and love and learning and hope and grief, but playground it is, for it will not last
In seeking I found. I found that there is really no need to seek that which is not lost.
Come home boy it is time for rest.
