meaning

The Outside Called (Audio)

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phone

The Outside called.

Anxious nauseous anger

Weakness, vitality drains

Like open vein

How should I answer

Scenarios played out in my head

If this, then that, then this, then that

Same old round and round

Seeking answer, resolution, victory

Weaker with each turn of the wheel

Same old round and round

Turning inside I asked Her

I’ve never done that before

She answered, why would you again give away what belongs to me

The answer is not out there, it is here between us

The Outside called.

I didn’t answer. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Change the world? (Audio)

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I have decided

I no longer want to change the world

I have failed utterly at that

My powers spent in futile efforts

I am weak

I am so tired I can only focus on what is right in font of me

The huge problems can no longer even hold my attention

But even if I were interested

I can do nothing to alter the current manifestations of the same old shit

There is nothing new under the sun

Well there is Facebook and Twitter and and 24 hour news cycle that spikes anxiety on a mass scale now

Good thing there is 24 hour shopping and all manner of distraction now so that like crackheads we can move between anxiety and binge, anxiety and binge

But nothing is new

Just goes round and round faster

I am jumping off that ride

I don’t think that I am big enough for it anyway

Let the would be movers and shakers be moved and shaken by all of that

I’ve played that game and got the t-shirt, several in fact

But why in the hell did I do all of that for a f..ing t-shirt

I need to focus on something small, something less grand

Perhaps I can start with one thought

I can change one thought

I can do that

I can say yes when I mean yes and no when I mean no

And if I don’t have an answer I can say that too

I can do that

I can be faithful to my promise

I can do that

OK

If I can do those few things

That will change me

And if I am changed then, the world by definition is altered

At least in some small but real way

So if I change me I will change the world after all

 

Tenderness and the Real (Audio)

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Tenderness hidden.

Concealed behind the humor, the talent, the success.

Those who know sometimes betray.

Sometimes ignorantly.

Sometimes with a will.

Tenderness hidden.

The betrayal steals life.

But it can also give it.

Illusions shattered.

Only the Real will survive.

Tenderness hidden.

Now uncovered.  Raw, burning, new-born.

Atmosphere sears new lungs.

Life demands pain.

The struggle provides the strength to stand.

The struggle transforms tenderness into wisdom.

AMEN – This is the way of life.

Deep Thoughts (Audio)

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Brow furrowed

Deepening thoughts

Pondering, probing, attempting to pierce the still cloud of unknowing

Existential realities

Finitude’s polarities

The Forge and the Crucible of my Soul’s Alchemy

Transformation

From Base to Noble

Seeking the secret to Life’s hidden Elixir

Peering deeply

Unblinking

I see vague forms, hear strange utterances

Straining now

On the edge of me

Profundity rises before my eyes

A voice speaks

In low, slow, fluid tones

I move closer, expectantly humbled, receptive to the Deep

“You are”

“So full”

“Of shit.  Chillith thyself out boy.  Methinks thy serious demeanor is most comical ”

I laugh

At me

Perhaps I have found the elixir after all

Be most Groovy!

 

Fishing in Bad Weather (Audio)

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Energy

No focus, scattered, diffused

Where is the center now

Black marks on white

Symbols like bait dangled

Over the choppy grey waters of me

Hoping to coax a bite

Enticing emotion to rise and strike

Latch on to a word a sentence

That I may draw out of the inky black depths

Meaning, to measure on my scale

Perhaps even consume, be nourished by

Seeking some order, some way, a new step

But if no order perhaps I may hook

A plank, a stone to feel under my feet

I need to move from this place