Ego

Glorious Destruction (Audio)

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Can I discover the beauty of you O my Soul?

By what way should I travel in my search?

Some said that if I could merely glimpse you I could rest from my wanderings.

I could be sustained by the glory of you.

The sweetness of your breath, the curve and shape of you, the music of your laughter and the light in your beautiful eyes.

They say before you I will die and be reborn at once.

You the object of my desire, where is your habitation?

I have known you from before forever.

You haunt my dreams.

You lie just outside my waking consciousness.

You have been the force, the pull, that restless hunger in me.

I am dry and barren and almost done.  I need to drink from Your spring that I may live.

I weep wanting you.  But the few tears I have left merely fall and disappear into the dust at my feet.

And my longings may very well break my heart.

But I would joyfully welcome the shattering of myself upon you that I might be pieced back together a better man.

Like a great clipper ship of old I long to crash on to your shores and be broken.

Guide me to that glorious destruction that I might be remade in You.

Rejection Notice

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This image made me laugh. 🙂

Image result for rejection images

Rejection signals a wrong step

Being told no or worse, not acknowledged, a promise not kept, again

Waiting for the call that does not come

The preparations made that no one will see, the email saying it’s not you, its me

It is not a waste, it is actually kinda cool

What was lost, nothing, there was nothing there anyway

Some illusion of how it might be, hope’s bubble burst, but it’s just soap suspended in air

Nothing real, real things don’t go away, the ones you seek do what they say

The path you want is solid not paved with maybes, and yeah buts, and excuses, no’s

You are looking for the yes, the yes, the yes

Those are your people, that is your way, that’s how you know

Thank the Creator for the no, rejoice in it

Celebrate the truth, laugh in the face of it

It defines, it clarifies, it points the way, away

Rejection is a wrong step

That’s all

Be Groovy! 🙂

The Acorn and the Oak

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OH TO BE LIKE AN OAK TREE

Stepping out into a broader space
Leaving behind the familiar comforts of the rut
But, there I held sway, I was the master

Predictable, easy, except for the slow withering of my soul
Did my tricks to get my treats
But the former was confining and I had out grown it

Like a plant in too small a pot
Roots bound, tangled, seeking new earth
But to step out is to become weak again, to let go, to become a child

There was a brief thrill in the stepping out
Really it was a small thing made large by ego’s fear
But there was really no power there

Like a spider’s web it clung inciting primal fear
No power at all to resist a decision
But now the familiar is no more

Where once I was large now I am small, ignorant, and inexperienced once more
Planted in new ground hoping for the water and the warmth and the worms to do their work
The plane is large, expansive, might I grow to fill that new empty space

But the great Oak lives inside the tiny, shiny acorn
Food for squirrels or master of the Woodland
I am the Sower and I am the seed
It is not the breaking through that is the challenge

It is sitting still long enough to put down roots and grow in the new larger place

There are multiple buts in this process

But either way.  Be Groovy! 

I Found (Audio)

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Day Thirteen: Serially Found

I watched the weather of me through the day to see if perhaps there was something there
I noticed that it changed, unbidden as though another turned its dials
Sometimes the taste of that place between green and violet was broken by mountains of stark white cotton stretching from horizon to horizon
It called to something in me which wanted to be in that place of awe and wonder, but it passed over
At other moments my sky was filled with shades of gray and black ominous and threatening, fields of energy, alert to danger
The impulse to cover, to hide was strong but I remained still and it passed along with the rest
All I found there was that the weather of me shifts its shape to suite the situation
There was nothing profound there, nothing to hold on to, it just comes and goes as it wills

 

I sought meaning in the deeper things to see if there was some nugget, some treasure there for me
I noticed the Sage of me arise from the depths, ready to pronounce profundity
He sat on his throne, voice lowly intoned, gentle condescending words doled out to the yielding seekers needing a light, a way, a Wizard
And then another, a chocolate haired little boy, with dark brown eyes and freckles dotting his nose and cheekbones
He sought to woo with innocence and pouty lips, seeking attention, protection, love, crooked smile, shaggy hair, smelling of sunshine and romance
Then in the midst of my looking I heard Him laugh. The Jester, my tenuous but always faithful friend
He reminded me that what I was seeking would not be found in the costumes my ego wears
The profound can be another distraction and a game, as too the dance of affection What I sought was not there

 

Then, I watched the watcher, paying attention to my paying attention
Remembering again, that I know very little and how easily distracted I can be
Caught up in a self that is fleeting like the weather, changed by the currents on the wind around me
Hidden behind masks that can at times be mistaken for me, leaving me alone but entertained or distracted
I laughed along with the Jester. He always tells me the truth, especially when I take myself too seriously, or not seriously enough
Like trying to scratch an itch in a mirror, I sought but did not find, for what I wanted could not be found there
A wonderful playground of experience and love and learning and hope and grief, but playground it is, for it will not last
In seeking I found. I found that there is really no need to seek that which is not lost.

 

Come home boy it is time for rest.

 

 

The Letter

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Day Five

Today’s Prompt: You stumble upon a random letter on the path.

I found your letter

It said “To my Love”

You spoke tender, touching, words that took my breath

You pledged your undying faithfulness

You told of how your Soul was now completed, whole

You teased and sent my blood rushing, hinting at your desire

I was overcome by your frankness

Comforted, secured by your pledge

Breathless from your familiar, frank, intimate passion

Mind racing, possibilities, new horizons opening, mind-blowing

Love thought dead now aflame in me

Rushing to the climax

The salutation was marvelous, how will she close

My Heart

My heart she said

I soared, unbelieving yet freed on my Soul’s hallelujah

She did love, I had been foolish to doubt

She did see me and I am chosen, the One

I reeled, rejoiced, and rested in the knowledge that it had all been . . .

Worth it, the doubt, the pain, the blind faith

She loves . . .

P.S. I will tell him soon. Then we can finally be together . . .

Bitch! (Writer’s Commentary)

🙂 Be Groovy!

Afterthought – Diary – Bread