I sense the vibrations deep within me
Foundations quake, shaking that which once was firmly held
What was assumed to be eternal falls around me in pieces
Like glitter in a globe it slowly swirls, gravity accomplishing its work
I watch it crumble and tumble, down, down, down
Currents of anxiety keep it aloft past its time
It needs to settle, I need to settle
An active passivity restrains my impulse to jump, to move, to seek distraction
Let it settle, it needs to settle, don’t stir it up again
New awareness is finally breaking the old making room for what is not, yet
But the birth is like the grinding of hard stone and dust
Shifting of the plates, a new geography is forming
It threatens home and kin. They feel it too
But crisis calls for calm, don’t feed it, don’t jump
Old rifts will be mended, new vistas will emerge, danger and hope coexists
I can make neither mountains nor mole hills
The power is at work in me, I am not the Maker, I am being made
I will not jump, I will wait, and watch, and listen to the stillness
I have a question for you
It was put to me, now I lay it at Your beautiful feet
In quiet expectation and trust I await Your response
From my lips to Your heart I cast it
“What is the difference?”
Does it matter
What does it mean
And like a pebble it breaks the surface of the Deep
Fluttering, slowly sinking, falling into the silent Unknown
Quiet, unmoving I remain
The surface of the water now still, a mirror
I gaze un-blinking into Her eyes
Green, brown, and golden windows
Falling like the pebble I sink into the Unknowing
Silence . . . Senses forsaken
“Nothing . . . and Everything,” She says
You have given all and you have also received back
Yet I needed not
You have scaled the heights of the exquisite and ridden on its golden light
And you have been flayed and spilled out by grief too terrible for words
But I am here
You have sought Me in exotic far off places and the adventure it brought
Even in the familiar paths within your reach your steps sought Me out
I never moved
You have dreamed, and built, and created magical things
And you have seen it all laid low in the dust
Yet I remain
You have chased the ancient knowledge, gathering together secrets of the Ages
But in the end only learned of your ignorance
I have watched it all
You ask what is the difference
I tell you there is none
The meaning you seek is fleeting like the Spring flowers
What matters is still beyond your comprehension
You ask what is the difference
I tell you all is changed
You have come to Me
You now sit by My still waters
You know the I Am
We are and shall ever be – One
So go my Love, seek, climb, create, and learn
Explore the world of the senses, the playground of the body and the mind
Thrill yourself with new adventure, people, and places
Walk the barren paths of solitude and grief
Exult in your victories and feel the pain of your failure
Fear not, cast it away from you
You are mine and I am Yours
My Love for you is all that has ever really mattered
I read this again today. I was talking to a Soul who needed this message. It was something I needed to hear again my Self. So many times we attach ourselves to people or perhaps allow people to attach themselves to us out of convenience or lack of self knowledge. Hoping that somehow they might fill the empty places or satisfy unformed and vague longings in us. We use and are used because we seek in the other what can only be discovered in the heart. Even in relationships the journey is our’s. It is our responsibility not the other. They too are responsible for the unfolding of their path, not us.
Silly boy, never ever be just something else, somebody else has on their list
Why would you pause along that way
There are no sunsets on lists, or sighs, or laughter, or sweet deep kisses, even true friendship is too large to fit there
Never wait your turn as though you are a beggar at the door
If your appearance is not the sunrise there then perhaps you have again knocked at the wrong place
Welcome mats do change with the season and their promise is sometimes contingent on whim or convenience
Just because welcome was spoken does not guarantee that it will be granted
Leave your gift on that doorstep. You will not be diminished for the gifting, but leave it and go
The Beauty is calling, She beckons and silences the spirit. She calls from a place beyond the surface of things
Deep calls to deep, move out of the shallows, follow the sun’s rising through the early morning’s mist
Would they change you or rearrange you, bid you wait, or take your turn
That is not your path, those are not your companions
Your way is upon the trackless waters, there you may find companions far away from the shallows
There will be great joy in the meeting for they too seek that which calls to you
They understand the deep and those groanings for which there are no words
Leave your gifts at the door, if they would journey they will come, if there is doubt though, beauty will not live there, only lists
You will know your companions for they will beam in your brightness and when you are adrift their clapping will again fill your sails
All else is false promise and the use of you to fill holes in a shallow list, silly boy
Two countries I knew
Two roads I walked
Both were exquisite and fine like the edge of a razor. Exquisite was the joy. Exquisite was the pain
Both flayed me, opened my soul to heights and to depths for which there are no words
One was ruled by the Sun
One was ruled by the Moon
One was filled with light, and joy, and the thrill of growing things
It is hard to breathe there, the air is thin and the light hurts your eyes
One was dark with a sweet, saturating, sadness heavy as the earth
It’s hard to breathe there under that weight, in the stillness, in the dark
One Kingdom promised the answer to dreams and desires of the heart
One Kingdom answered the dread of my deepest fears
Back and forth, back and forth, long I journeyed the bi-polar pathway
As high as I soared, even touching the sun, that far I fell, down, down, down
Longing’s ache, movement, hope’s teasing tug pulled me into the glorious fire, my wax melted and I fell
Great was the fall, epic was the ruin, dry, dusty, darkness, solitude, empty hollow ache
Long I lay there, time’s ticking warped, stretched into intervals that only the shifting Earth can reckon
As the mountains grew and continents shifted, dust settled over me, nothing grew but the rocks
Only silence and solitude and stillness were my companions, grief my nourishment
Then something stirred in me, a movement, an energy, a foreign force that frightened yet awakened me
I rose from the dark earth and made my way into the place between places, that space between light and dark
A region rarely traversed. The powerful pull of the poles seeking to claim me for the left or the right, the good or the bad, for gods or the devils
But I refused, something had changed, I rebelled against them both and was reborn on the utterance of the word No
Neither was my mortal home, neither was the land of my true habitation
The new way was neither/nor, but Both at once
The path, at first unstable, unfathomable, impossible like a drunk man on a tightrope
I learned to let go my clinging, my addiction to knowing, to allow the currents of emotion to wash over me
Stillness, the only way to move in that place between the paradox
And as I surrendered movement I was moved by forces larger than I, changed and rearranged
My pattern resonating with that which has called to me from forever
The lie of the either/or is tenacious and It’s powerful spell can only be starved slowly, never broken
The black sorcery practiced by the ancients continues still, hidden in view
The promise, the lure of distraction, life lived falsely, divided, unaware, asleep on the square, a bird in a cage
The Kingdom of Both is among us, can you not perceive it? Awaken to reality’s dream
Come walk with me here. I need a companion. We need companions to help us balance along the razors edge
Come and lay down your striving, lose all, and find everything here in the Kingdom of Both
I have looked in the reflections and have mistaken me for them
To suck my thumb feels awkward now
Funny how I once was so attached to it
I am guessing there are things I am attached to that are as transient as my thumb even now
It is interesting to have the awareness back that I had as a child
Observing and wondering, separate from the Self, the Ego, at least sometimes
Fear must have created that projection I called me
Well, some of it
Some of it is OK and is part of my groove
I think fear must have built the rest because it seems fear is what enforces the construct and dread guards the exits
But like a carnival spook-house been through several times, I am getting bored with it
I am yawning, its so 1-2-3 now jump and . . . Que the strobes, now crooked mirrors and fog and skeletons and turn the corner where the drug addict Carney jumps out and yells
The fear is getting be to quiet lame, much like the raggedy clown that pops out of the dark place and flops around on worn springs
Turning the lights on reveals the primitive, laughable, side show that has held me hostage
I think I’m gonna look outside the mirrors and the cheap carnival and try to remember the one who has been watching
