Longing

Come out my Darling (Audio)

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Where are You?

I know you are

I feel You

I have sensed your presence from before the foundations

I have known You always

I have searched for You in waking and in dreaming

Restless unrequited longing

Some times frantic

Others less so

Desperate need cuts like a razor or

Less, a restless slight dissatisfaction, boredom

Come out my Darling

Why are you far from me

Come out of the darkness

That I may see you and know your form

I would study you and know

The sound of your voice

The sweet fragrance of you

I would hear your thoughts and be enriched

I would see through your eyes and learn of me

One Tear (Audio)

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I have penned no words for you since forever

Out of time though, my heart has done nothing but call your name

Over and over I find myself following paths that lead to you

Or rather they lead to places where I realize your absence

The separateness is startling and unreal

Grief too deep for words or tears, for they only well up in me

Perhaps I can not weep because I can not accept or come to terms with it

Or perhaps I just refuse to

But how can I come to terms with what is impossible

Just one tear would contain the sadness of the whole world

Perhaps that is why they will not flow

It would be too terrible

Forgiveness (Audio)

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My heart, my Soul you long for me.  You miss my presence and the quiet rest it brings.  You miss the joy and gentle laughter.  And the familiar intimate passion whose flames burn with cleansing and refining fire.  You are torn in two, exposed in the shadows and seeking relief, some covering for your nakedness.  No wonder you seek my attention.  No wonder that at times in your wrath I am shamed, belittled, and the object of cruel humor.  I have always known you yet in my folly, my cleverness I sought You in the Other.  I performed for you to win your approval.  I poured myself into the leaky cup of achievement and was spilled out onto the dry earth.

My love I have wanted you from forever.  I now know that we share the same destiny.  To damnation or redemption we both shall go.  I now  know, I now believe where you reside, at least with my intellect (Lord help my unbelief),  Yet I still move between sense and nonsense, faith and doubt.  I strain to make the turn toward you and enter your castle.  Why can I not run a straight path into your arms so that the torture might cease?  Am I even now so twisted that straight is beyond my comprehension and ability?  I begin the journey with “I forgive You”.  You are that which I have made you.  The greater forgiveness is yours to give me.  My fear and stupidity, my double minded laziness left you alone and dying.  Do what you must my Love.  I am coming but I do not know the way back to you.  But I go out nonetheless, not knowing the way.  But I know the destination . . .

Your head on my chest, legs entwined, deep solemn rest.

$ Paying Attention $

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It is in the nuanced subtle details that the true soul is discovered.  It is not in the mundane commerce and intercourse of our waking life.

It is not in the habitual presentation of the self through posture, manner, speech, clever lines, or outward stereotyped patterns.  It is never in the masks no matter the power of their allure.   Words spoken may hide as well as reveal.  Flesh uncovered might yet be the last hiding place.

But a pause, a word left unspoken may communicate more than volumes.  Those small traits and qualities that make one soul unique from another are like gems among  rock and sand.  It takes some effort but that is where the valuable material is found.

People always pay attention to what matters to them.

So if someone is paying attention to the details of you, pause.  At least they have glimpsed your singularity.  If they continue they have recognized the unique and exquisite value of you.  By definition then you are valuable to them.  Otherwise they would not pay attention.

It is a compliment in its highest form to be paid attention.

It is a good and life-giving gift.