Destruction

Internal Revenue Service (Audio)

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IRS_logo

I don’t feel like writing

At least not from that place I usually do

For all that has passed between the Inside and Out must be accounted for

Books will have to be reconciled

Accounts receivable and those owed need attention

My Internal Revenue Service has called me in

Hundreds and thousands of transactions

What did I profit?  What have I lost?

Good and Bad, opposite sides of the same coin

A medium of exchange, but not the currency of the Soul

The bureaucrats tally as I struggle to explain with no paper-trail

There is currency now in my words

They create a lasting record

A new Order will be created

New precepts will provide the foundation

A new government will arise

Not based on the Dialectic

Hegel understood but only in part

Now  Integration, Re-creation, and  Consummation

The bedrock cleared and cornerstones laid

Behold, a New thing

Yet even so, old accounts must be settled

The Offering – Audio

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child's hands

I re-submit this to go along with my recent thoughts on Christmas, Grace, and how one might be led down a blind ally seeking God or truth in doing.

With up-lifted hands I hold my best.
I offer it to you.
With trembling I await your acceptance of my gift
With trembling I dread your rejection.

I am in need. I am broken and out of my brokenness
I have fashioned my offering.
I have pieced it together with much pain and trembling
hoping to please you.

Now it is all that I have.
Every good thing in me has been
made manifest and resides in my gift.
I await your judgment.

As you approach I am borne aloft in anticipation
of your response.
My hopes walk the razors edge between your
delight and your disappointment.

I am reeling! You walked past my gift as if
it were not there.
I was prostrate offering my sacred gift, that which
I had made for you.

I am punctured, humiliated before you.
I shrink, collapsing, naked and ashamed.
Ashes are all.
Ashes, decay, and dry barren dust.

You move into the wasteland of my soul.
Slowly and with great care you search.
Blowing away the ashes while your dirty hands
seek something in the wreck that I am.

My humiliation evaporates as I see that
you heed my filth less than you did my gift.
You find and hold a tiny ember still glowing
somehow beneath the rubble.

I rest like a child in your hands and
again offer my gift to you.
You smile, kiss my foolish head, and with
a magnet attach my gift to your refrigerator.

The Search for You (Part 2)- Audio

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I searched for you again today.
I strained to find you amidst the chaos of a world seething with disappointment, battered dreams, and fragile hopes.
Millions of souls crying out for the answer to their hearts’ deepest longings.

I looked down the well-worn paths, the familiar places where I’ve sought you before.

Nature’s beauty was dulled.
The crisp cool air on my face did not quicken my senses as before.
It was only cold.
The golden red light of the sunset did not dazzle me with its splendor.
The orb hung in only two dimensions, flat against the dull sky.
It only moved me to squint the brazen light from my eyes.

The sounds and rhythms of life around me seemed out of tune and dissonant with my pattern.
I felt a stranger to the world.
Out of place.
Out of joint.

The faces, the touch, the voices of friends and loved ones did not reach me.
They seemed only to intrude upon my search.
Words of love, comfort, even humor, irritated and sparked anger hidden beneath my smile.

Exhausted, hope failing, desperate for you.
Weeping from the anguish of my bitter longing.
Prostrate, face to the earth, search ended – unfulfilled.

At the end of my search, at the end of one last bitter breath, after one final look outward,

I paused –

Stillness

My eyes sought a new path.
I slowly shifted my gaze.
As my eyes turned inward I was startled to discover your presence.
You were there where you have always been.
The wellspring of my heart was flooded with joy as I was filled with awareness of you.
You are a part of me, and I you.
I knew that which I have always known.
Nothing, no obstacle, no circumstance can separate me from you and you from me.
We exist together out of time.
We are eternal.
You and I will be always, even to the ends of the earth.

I found you today.

Glorious Destruction (Audio)

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Can I discover the beauty of you O my Soul?

By what way should I travel in my search?

Some said that if I could merely glimpse you I could rest from my wanderings.

I could be sustained by the glory of you.

The sweetness of your breath, the curve and shape of you, the music of your laughter and the light in your beautiful eyes.

They say before you I will die and be reborn at once.

You the object of my desire, where is your habitation?

I have known you from before forever.

You haunt my dreams.

You lie just outside my waking consciousness.

You have been the force, the pull, that restless hunger in me.

I am dry and barren and almost done.  I need to drink from Your spring that I may live.

I weep wanting you.  But the few tears I have left merely fall and disappear into the dust at my feet.

And my longings may very well break my heart.

But I would joyfully welcome the shattering of myself upon you that I might be pieced back together a better man.

Like a great clipper ship of old I long to crash on to your shores and be broken.

Guide me to that glorious destruction that I might be remade in You.

The Promise of Honey (Audio)

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I dreamed of honey
I dreamed of bees
I dreamed a promise
I made on my knees

As body awakened
My dream it did fade
Sweetness and vow
With Soul though has stayed

She brought me these two
For this time on this day
I hold to them fast
As the rest fades away

A place I have made
The gifts here to hold
Till Her message is clear
And Her wishes unfold

Fertile bounty one clue
Sweet richness I see
And Fidelity’s link
To the honey and bees

What promise I have
Or what promise neglected
The path and its meaning
Its light now detected

She brings me these things
To nudge and to guide me
In hopes I awaken
To the wonders inside me

Thank you sweet Soul
You were tender today
No surreal symbols, no horrors
O’r me love has held sway

I know I am dense
And sometimes I pout
But my outsides are in
And my insides are out

No is most potent

No comes before

Like death precedes life

No opens Yes’ door

She’s taught the word No
Which brought on destruction
Now Yes I shall learn
For my Soul’s reconstruction

Reaffirming the vow
Will fulfill my life’s reason
Consecration now needed
At this time, for this season

Abandon the lie
The first step I made
Saying No to the Other
Foundations were laid

Now to the building
Selecting what to affirm
Carefully now choosing
That which my heart does confirm